That I dealt the spirit of fear a major blow

Some years ago, I passed through a shadow of deep depression when I was convinced that I must be dying of something really serious. In retrospect, I call it ‘hypochondria’ but it was absolutely terrible at the time. I’d look at the three sweet faces of my children and groan deep inside my heart, convinced that I’d never live to see them grow up. It was all I could do those few months to get out of bed and plod along without bursting into tears. I’d been to doctors, who were not encouraging and suggested alarming tests for various conditions. I was terrified of going through with the tests, but just as petrified not to.

One evening while I was out walking, a sudden thought popped into my head. I wondered if depending on these gruff doctors’ dire words and grueling tests for absolute proof might mean that I was ‘relying on the horses and chariots of Egypt,’ as it says of the Israelites in the Book of Isaiah. The more I pondered it, the more reasonable it seemed that modern people may find it too easy to rely on medical ‘horses and chariots’ for their well-being.

I said one of my most heartfelt prayers ever. I asked God to please send me a sign that He loved me and would bring me through this heartbreaking trial. I felt so sick and exhausted that I wanted to receive an unmistakable sign before the end of the night! I don’t think I can wait another day! And Lord, just so that I’ll be sure to recognize your sign, could it please include something about Egypt?

I went home longing to see something as simple as an image of a Pharaoh or pyramid on TV. How I would have pounced on that as a possible ‘sign’ but nothing happened. There was an illusion to north east Africa in a book I was reading, but I miserably dismissed that as too vague. At last I went to bed disappointed and flipped open a little book that I’d borrowed earlier that day from my in-laws. It was an old book from the 1960s, “None of these Diseases” by S. I. McMillen. There staring up at me on the very second page was a quote from the Bible and it was Exodus 15: 26. If you listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in His eyes, if you pay attention to His commands and keep all His decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord who heals you.

Those written words caused something like a bolt of electricity to pour through me. The tears I cried were full of relief and joy for the first time in months, instead of terror and fear. I had my first sound night sleep for a very long time. In the morning I felt confident that I could cancel those looming tests. By far best of all, I’ve been able to cling to those beautiful promises of Exodus 15: 26 whenever I’ve felt looming anxiety about some health issue, and immediately, my spirit begins to rest.

Do you agree that this was a wonderful, generous sign from God? Every so often, in my depressed moments, the thought crosses my mind, "It was just a coincidence!" Then when I remember the remarkable accuracy and impeccable timing, I find my courage renewed again.

that I might have been the 2nd willy wagtail

I live in a place with lots of beautiful walks and trails. I was having a walk around the block last week, enjoying the final touches of autumn, and stopped to admire the antics of a spry willy wagtail. He was eating miniscule seeds from the path and every so often, he'd stop to wave his tail feathers. The cheerfulness of these birds impresses me. If I had a tail as long as my body and probably even heavier, I imagine I'd find it a drag and complain about the weight of it. But willy wagtails are masters of the 'If you've got it, flaunt it' principle.

I stood watching him for a long time, but then had to move on home to get the day's work started and see what the kids were up to. Further along the path was another willy wagtail doing the exact same thing as the first. I said, 'OK, you're pretty cute, but I can't stop.'

Only later did a funny thought occur to me. I know it's too ridiculous to be true, but what if preening for passers-by gives willy wagtails their value? Then, the first willy wagtail might have felt flattered by the length of time I stood there for. He might have allowed himself an extra worm and thought, I'm quite the man. I know how to attract an audience. But the second willy wagtail might have wallowed in a flat and let-down mood with a sense of, I didn't perform well enough. No matter how hard I try, I always fall short. Yet both birds were doing exactly the same thing!

Human beings have been endowed with greater capacity, nobler brains and spirits than the animal and bird kingdoms but it comes with a down-side. We let ourselves become hung-up with the implications we read into things.

Last February, I ran a workshop about the craft of fiction writing at the SA Writer's Centre in Adelaide. During the morning tea break, two ladies came and told me, 'We just want to let you know that we're going home because this is beneath us.' Instantly, my stomach started spinning with a horrible swoopy, sick feeling that didn't stop during all of Part Two. I kept looking at the faces surrounding me, feeling certain that were probably bored but decided to grit their teeth and stick it out.

After the session, some of the others congratulated me on a really interesting presentation. That only helped ease the stomach swirling slightly. They might have just been polite. Later, the staff at the Writer's Centre reported that the written feedback on the forms was overwhelmingly positive. I was relieved that nobody had written mean comments.

After last week's walk, it occurred to me that the action of the two women was probably nothing to do with me at all. From something they'd mentioned, I suspected that they'd spent months attending many similar workshops, each time hoping the presenter would stun them with something really different. I was just the second willy wagtail (or in their case, maybe even the fiftieth or hundredth).

My willy wagtail theory explains a lot. It's possibly the reason why you may find it so hard to get positive feedback from other people in your line of work, and why University professors like to give harsh grades. It may be why food and movie critics tend to write reviews at odds with each other. Think what a difference it may make if your offering happens to fall at the end of the line. For some reviewers and critics, you might have been new and fresh while others have seen it before. The point I'm trying to make here is how sad and shortsighted it is to judge yourself harshly on the basis of feedback you receive from others, whose attitudes and history are a complete mystery to you.

You are welcome to borrow my willy wagtail principle if you like, whenever you have to deal with less than flattering feedback.

"I was probably just the second willy wagtail," is a perspective that makes you feel refreshingly better.

that you wouldn't want to taste these brownies

I once read what was reputed to be a man's true story which he sent in to an inspirational website. The guy (we'll call him Ned) was arguing with his teenage children about a certain MA-rated movie they'd planned to watch at a friend's house. In his opinion, it contained smut, lewdness and gratuitous violence which he didn't think was fit for them to see.

"But Dad, it's a harmless story with good morals and only a little bit of that stuff," they tried to reason.

He gave a non-committal, "We'll see," and while they were at school the following day, he rolled up his sleeves and got to work. They arrived home at 3.30 to the beautiful, warm aroma of freshly baked chocolate brownies.

"I've made you some afternoon tea," their father said. "Come up to the table and grab some."
But just as they were about to sink their teeth in, he folded his arms and said, "Before you indulge, you might want to know my secret ingredient."

The smugness of his smile made them pause. "What is it?"

"Dog poo! But don't worry, there's just a little bit. It's mostly flour, chocolate, butter and sugar. So do dig in."

Instead of saying, "Dad, you're a freak!!" as my kids would have done, these teenagers learned the lesson he'd put all that effort into. "This is about that movie, isn't it? We totally understand now and there's no way we want to go and watch it if you paid us. Thanks for thinking so much of us to go to all that trouble, etc etc." So the brownies were dumped into the bin by one happy, highly-principled parent who'd made his point. And I guess he cleaned his cooking utensils with a lot of care, feeling that it was well worth the effort. It seems families like "The Brady Bunch" are thriving well into the 21st century, although I wonder if even Mike Brady would bother to pull this one off.

My family thought this story was a real hoot. Just to imagine him stepping out with his poo-scooper to scrape off a little bit for his brownie recipe gets us giggling. But when I think it over, I guess he did have a valid point. Here's some things I've learned to my cost in the past.

A little of bit of envy or jealousy is enough to sour up a nice, celebratory occasion.
A little bit of disappointment or discouragement is enough to ruin an otherwise flawless day.
A tiny smidgin of gossip or criticism may taint an otherwise uplifting conversation.
A miniscule grain of fear or misgiving has the potential to swell like yeast if left to fester.

We may become used to these added ingredients and indulge freely. Perhaps there is a flickering impression, not even conscious, that goes something like this. "I'm not sure what the flavour is in these brownies, but I don't really think I like it."

We all agree that the tastiest cooking has the most high-quality, pure ingredients. We like to avoid factory-added, artificial gunk which shouldn't be there. Then let's get rid of all the bad-tasting ingredients that we tend to add to the recipes of our lives. Let's stir in plenty of pure faith, generosity, hope, gladness, peace and contentment and leave out all those extras which leave a bitter, unsavoury after-taste.

To Choose my Weapons and Seeds Wisely

In the Garden of Gethsemane, when Peter cut off the high priest's servant's ear, Jesus instantly said, "All who use swords are destroyed by swords!" Now, two types of people spring to mind who never say anything trivial and unimportant. 1) Those who are always mindfully doing God's work, and 2) Those who know that their lives will soon be over. At this very moment, Jesus fitted both criteria perfectly. These words to Peter were full of wisdom and significance. I couldn't help mulling over them carefully to consider what we may take from them. I believe this is it:

He expressed a principle set in place by God which can be carried over to all aspects of life. Those who use gossip are destroyed by gossip, those who use cheating are destroyed by cheating, those who use discontentment, complaining and griping attract more to complain and gripe about, and those who choose sarcasm and bitterness as their weapons are destroyed by the same. When we use lies, we may attract those who lie to us and furthermore, we may find it far harder to gauge whether what we are hearing around us is truth.

I started to think about some of the weapons I've chosen over the years and regretted.
1) A close-hearted type of stinginess, not wanting to reveal too much good to others for fear that they might hog it all, leaving me to miss out. This was probably partly a result of being the youngest child in my family by far and also being the target of detractors and bullies at school. I spent many years from school onward with the uncomfortable feeling that people were keeping things hidden from me which would benefit me if only I knew.
2) Lots of fear and dread, which definitely attracted more to be nervous about and make me tremble. I ended up with an exhausted body that was on high alert during every waking moment.

I got tired of living this way. I longed for a spirit of lavish generosity and calm trust to replace all of the above. I realised that I must get into the habit of asking, "Is this thought/attitude something I want returned?" Asking this is a good habit because nothing helps us make changes so effectively. Those who say that life is like a mirror that reflects back what we are, are basically saying the same as Jesus about living by the sword.

Those who say we reap what we sow are saying the same thing. To get a bumper crop of sweet, healthy apples, we need to plant good apple seeds in our lives. We can't plant withered little thistle seeds and expect that by some miraculous provision of favour, God will give us apples. The wonderful thing when we sow the right crop is that we have a God of surprises. We won't necessarily get back goodness from the same source where we planted it. We may see returns way down the track when we don't expect them. Proverbs says,"Cast your bread upon the waters and after many days, it will return." I'm convinced that this is not just a pretty little idea but a promise based on a sound principle.

People who talk about 'vibes' don't realise that they're saying the same thing. Those who delve into metaphysics suggest that we attract vibrations around us of similar magnetic frequencies to those we emit. I came across many of these types of science buffs at Uni. Pluck a guitar string and the corresponding string of a guitar across the room will also resonate. Put a whole lot of clocks into one room and their pendulums will eventually line up with each other. In many cases, these scientists don't realise that they're simply agreeing with what we find within the pages of the Bible.

The bottom line: We can't emit one of type of feeling (hopelessness, depression, fatigue, resentment, envy, fear) and attract the opposite (prosperity, contentment, peace, love, health, well-being). When we choose the weapons we want to use and the seeds we want to plant, we may be certain we'll see results in their proper time.

That we ought to live at the speed of life

... and that's a lot steadier and slower than many of us may think.

I've often found myself tearing around, madly trying to tick jobs of a "To Do Today" list, and while I'm completing one as fast as I can, I'm already thinking about the next. Or else there are voices in my ear crying out, "Muuuum ...." while I'm trying to keep my mind on the job at hand.

Well, one day a few years ago now, my family and I stopped at the Mt Gambier caravan park on our way back from a trip to Victoria. It was the tail-end of a long drive. Rather than being the focus of our holiday this time, Mt Gambier was just the last stop on the way home. Andrew decided to have a football game with the kids as Logan had been nagging him for a kick. I'd exhausted myself racing after and entertaining our toddler, Blake, who had a way of quietly disappearing and getting into mischief. I just wanted to relax but started thinking how close the Blue Lake* was, just over the hill.

I suggested that we all walk over for a look, but nobody else was interested. After all, we'd seen it before, it wasn't the focus of this trip and there was a footy to kick, but as we'd come so far, I felt sort of obligated. So I called to the others to keep an eye on Blake and headed over myself, striding briskly to get another job out of the way.

When I caught my first glimpse of it, the serenity of that vivid blue sheet made me pause. I sat on an overlooking bench and studied how the summer breeze gently caught it, highlighting the ripples. A flash of light in one spot traveled right across the surface to begin gently somewhere else. Although full of movement, it was a beautiful, serene sight. I liked the way the same breeze that caressed the water also tickled my face.

I realized that my heart had been thumping, my mind was still in its racing mode, saying, "Get back to the kids now," my feet and hands felt jittery and restless. Furthermore, I knew that my body had been running in this high gear all holiday and I hadn't even known it until I took the time to pause. I'd been forcing myself to live beyond the optimum speed of life that God had set in place. The rest of creation, which has no free choice in the matter, was reminding me how I should move.

I like to think back to that day on occasions when my body sets itself into 'full steam ahead' mode without my realizing it. The tell-tale symptoms of digestive disturbances and panic attacks, which I used to attribute to wrong foods and stressful thoughts, are often just signs that I'm trying to live faster than the speed of life.

My new philosophy is to work steadily without multi-tasking, focusing my attention completely on whatever I'm doing as if that's all I have to think about. I try to take rests for quiet times and walks whenever I feel like it. My mobile phone needs to be charged regularly, and human bodies work on a similar principle when we keep giving out energy. I often achieve more in a day this way and think clearer at the same time.

One of my favourite old Christian writers, Brother Lawrence (pictured above), understood the secret of living at the speed of life. "Even when he was busiest in the kitchen, it was evident that the brother's spirit was dwelling in God. He often did the work that two usually did but he never seemed to bustle. Rather, he gave each chore the time that it required, always preserving his modest and tranquil air, working neither slowly nor swiftly, dwelling in calmness of soul and unalterable peace." (The Practice of the Presence of God)



* For those who live far away, Mt Gambier's Blue Lake is one of South Australia's spots of pride. It is an ancient volcano crater which turns a deep, vivid shade of incredible blue for only the summer months. In the winter months its water is as grey as anywhere else.

That I'd rather stand for something positive than against something negative

I've noticed that Face Book and the Internet have been full of Christian warnings to avoid playing this computer game, watching that movie, wearing these clothes or going to those places. It makes me sad when I hear confused reports of people who honestly can't understand why others seem to want to spread a sour cloak of judgment and disapproval over things which never occurred to them as harmful.

I've been the butt of rigid, condemnatory words. I was selling my "Quenarden" series* at a market, when an elderly woman stepped over to have a browse. The conversation went something like this.

Paula: Hello, do you have any grandchildren who like to read adventure stories?
Christian Lady: I do have grandchildren but they certainly wouldn't be interested in this sort of twaddle! We're Christians. That may sound frank but one day, if you come to your senses, you'll understand that filling innocent children's heads with wicked, fanciful nonsense is what helps make the world into such a melting pot of evil and sin.
Paula: But I'm a Christian too.
Christian Lady: That's what you think, dear.

She didn't give me a chance to explain that I take my own Christian values very seriously; that I wanted to praise God through my series and fill it with symbolism that pointed to Him; that I never started anything without plenty of prayer. I wonder if she would have bothered to consider my explanation if I tried. That made me shy away from anything that seems remotely censorious in an attacking, 'holier-than-thou' sort of spirit. It's the sort of encounter that I can understand would make a genuine seeker of truth want to turn and flee at the mention of the word "Christian" in future.

I like this story. Whenever Mother Teresa was asked to take place in any 'anti-' rally (anti-war, anti-evil, anti-discrimination etc) she would politely refuse and reply, 'Invite me to a "pro-" rally next time (pro-peace, pro-goodness, pro-generosity etc) and I'll be there in a flash.' She understood that emphasising goodness rather than evil is the wiser path to take.


I'd love to see less time spent trying to battle the bad (or what we perceive as bad) and more time promoting God's love, resting with true faith in His sovereign control and displaying the fruits of His Spirit. In that way we wouldn't have as many battles to fight or demons to rebuke, for they'd turn and flee with a howl. They are not going to hang around for long where true understanding and worship of God is always going on.


* My Quenarden series is a trilogy for the 12+ age group which blends adventure, mystery, romance and a quest for the triumph over evil.

That fiction authors need a creed

I was reading Matthew 13: 10-17 in The Message version of the Bible. The apostles asked Jesus, "Why tell stories?" I paid close attention to his reply because I've often been asked the same question and come up with nothing better than, "I enjoy it" which seems too self-indulgent to justify.

Here is what our Lord and Saviour said.

"You've been given insight into God's kingdom. You know how it works. Not everybody has this gift, this insight; it hasn't been given to them. Whenever somebody has a ready heart for this, the insights and understandings flow freely. But if there is no readiness, any trace of receptivity soon disappears. That's why I tell stories; to create readiness, to nudge the people toward receptive insight. In their present state they can stare till doomsday and not see it, listen till they're blue in the face and not get it."

What a wonderful way of putting it. I'd always loved reading fiction but used to put it aside as a treat for my spare time when more 'important' work had been done. When I started writing, I assumed that others would be approaching my books the same way, of course. Now I'm trying to get into the habit of acknowledging that just because my work is targeted for people's leisure moments, it does not follow that said work is "light-weight" or frivolous. In fact, our leisure moments may be the perfect time when we are most receptive to those things of depth and significance.

I searched around to see if I could find a fiction writer's creed. When I couldn't, I decided to write my own. If you like to write fiction too, you are welcome to share it with me, if you like.

FICTION WRITER'S CREED

1) I will do all I can to stir readers' hearts, to create fertile ground for insights and understandings to flow freely to them from God.

2) I will study and ponder God through His Word and prayer, to keep a clean heart toward Him and stay sensitive to what I believe He would have me write.

3) I will offer my very best to make people smile, cry, laugh and enjoy every moment of time they've put aside to read my books.

4) I will re-write and edit to make the finished result as polished as it can be. I will accept the sacrifice of hard work and time involved.

5) I will continue to study the craft of writing, willing to learn more.

6) I will not focus on praise, money or recognition as a gauge of how I'm going. I will be content to be a spark of light where God has placed me, trusting Him to open doors.

7) Having said that, I will look out, being ever vigilant for opportunities to introduce my work to people through speaking events such as talks and workshops, or written words such as articles or guest blogs.

8) I will take setbacks in my stride as an inevitable part of the journey but I will not let them turn me away from my chosen path or cause me to give up.